Pardon My English

Stop caressing my eggplant!

2006-10-05T07:40:00.000-10:00

Last night after working a long day at the office at home. I decided I needed some pasta. I cook pasta sauce from scratch and then add tons of healthy veggies in which then becomes something weird...never ever to be made again the same way twice because I never use recipes for italian sauce..

Anyway, I had some good olde 2 Buck Chuck, that's short for Trader Joe's Charles Shaw pinot nior wine, to go in the red sauce but I needed some other items. So I head off to Stop n Shop. No makeup and still wearing my workout clothes. Black workout pants and my Ras na hEireann 2006 5k tshirt. My first race ever. I love the shirt and big emblem on the front (see image to the left). Celtic symbols are foreign where I live. But apparently the check out guy was familiar with it...

So I get the checkout counter and if you're like me and you pick up random things every few days - you end up knowing the cast of characters at the check out. The friendly kids heading off to college, the talkative mother who won't shut up about your food, the crazy lady who talks to herself while checking your items and baggin your food, and then there's the lonely 50something year old male who you avoid. I've heard the younger girls at the store talk about how he has said inappropriate things to them. I've always avoided him. Tonight he was at the 12 or less express line. So I go and he stares at my shirt. And smiles at me. And starts this awkward conversation with me...I wanted to die. Mind you, I had approximately 5 items to check out and that included a gallon of Poland Springs water.

Man: So what's that symbol on your shirt?
Me: It's a celtic symbol
Man: Oh, those crazy irish, have you seen them dance?
Me: sure, the dance is pretty neat.
Man: oh man, Have you seen the photos of them in National Geographic?
(I immediately start to get uncomfortable, is he confusing Irish celts with someone else in national geogrpahic? And the first thing I think of he 'he can't be thinking of naked people can he?')
ME: Really, no not in National Geographic. No.
Man (looking behind him like someone is listening, then leans over the card swipe to me): They are wild people, The girls were all naked and their bodies were painted. It's a crazy ritual.
Me: oh. Well sure the irish can be crazy.
Man: Yes,it's like they are primitive, primal, PAGAN, YES PAGAN! (he was very excited to come up with this word on his own, the exicitement shown in his creepy eyes, I think he was picturing me as one of those girls at this point.)

I needed to somehow get off the subject and get my food and get out. He has my eggplant in his hand now and weighing it. He needs to look up the code for it. More delaying.

ME: It's an italian eggplant
Man: yes, I know, it's the same code as a regular one. I love eggplant. In sauces, and there's no cholesterol.

(I'm thinking, good, I got him talking about the eggplant, not the naked Irish girls in National Geographic, and No I'm not going to tell him that ALL veggies are cholesterol free! I stay quiet.)

I get my receipt and he strangely continues about the eggplant and tells me all the varieties of eggplant. He sure did know a thing of two about eggplant.

"There's chinese eggplant and that's very long and tender. But this variety, the italian has a tough skin, I prefer this one. But it needs to be soaked well" At this point, he's hovering my small eggplant above the bag. It's the last item to bag and he is caressing it. Rubbing it and telling my that it has a tough skin. I mean with both hands caressing the eggplant. I was starting to get embarrassed. It takes a LOT for me to get embarrassed!

I'm thinking "how can I eat this eggplant now?! Hey, stop caressing my eggplant stop!!!"

He finally places the eggplant in the bag and he says "HAve a good night."

ME: Yup, You too.

As I walk away, he yells to me: " And I'll have to give your Celtic pagan rituals a try someday!"

Oh my god! Really?

I went home, cut up the eggplant...boy, it sure did taste yummy in the sauce and the 2 Buck Chuck I think killed any friggin germs that may have been on the eggplant!

EEEEWWWWWWWW!!! I will never go to the creepy guy again!

Beta Blogger: don't do it!

2006-09-19T09:44:00.000-10:00

So I merged over to BetaBlogger...don't make the same mistake I did. Once you merge, you'll notice it has a few cool new features, like mobile blogging, and use of your gmail account (I had one already so it was easy), and a few new editting features.

However.........

You cannot post a comment using either your old username and your new betauser name. The old user name is now merged with the new username. And since the new beta version does not "yet have this feature to comment on non-beta version blogs". You're out of luck.

So I won't be commenting anymore....

oh wait, I stopped commenting a long time ago anyway...

more info: Known Beta Notes

This is a very cool new feature:

Who can view this blog?
Anybody
Only people I choose
Only blog authors
You can restrict your blog to only readers you choose.
However, these readers will need to log in before reading your blog, adding an extra step.

The World's Shortest Fairy Tale

2006-09-19T05:23:00.000-10:00

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, "Will you marry me?"

The guy said, "No."

The girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, travelled more, had many boyfriends, stayed skinny, went to the theatre, never watched football and was never farted on.

~ The End~

News Frontpages Around the World - 9/11

2006-09-11T08:24:00.000-10:00

This link will only work today for 9/11 headlines - you can view the front pages of news around the world.

http://www.newseum.org/todaysfrontpages/flash/

No news is good news with Gary Gnu.

2006-08-22T15:55:00.000-10:00

It is generally said that people who talk too much generally don't listen well. Lately, people are talking too much and I am getting tired of listening. The other day I ran across some definitions in an old college textbook that quoted the famous book "The Devil's Dictionary". It made me feel better for not wanting to listen to people talk about themselves all the time. The Devil's Dictionary, written by American satirist Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, was a newspaper weekly first collected as a book in 1906. If you've never read this, you can view the 1908 dictionary online here. Cynics would enjoy a glance the definitions...here are a few examples.

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Conversation, n. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

Egoist, n. A person of low taste more interested in himself than me.

Heaven, n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.

And hey, I thought Gary Gnu was a made up character for morning TV? Look here, Bierce defined a Gnu back in the early 1900s? who G-new? (sorry)

GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

And speak of the devil, remember this line from The Great Space Coaster??

"This Is Gary Gnu. And The No Gnews Is Good Gnews Show. The Only TV Gnews Program Guaranteed To Contain No Gnews Whatsoever." Fox should use that tag line..

I've seen this guy before...

2006-08-07T08:29:00.000-10:00

worth the click...
Don't drink with this guy.

5 things

2006-08-05T15:09:00.000-10:00

5 phrases/words that have become popular and drive me crazy!:

1. 9 times out of 10... - "You know, nine times out of ten the problem with your husband will resolve itself".

2. At the end of the day... - " I love spending money on italian handmade shoes, but at the end of the day, they are just shoes."

3. It is what it is... -" Montreal is dirty and cold but it does have great restaurants, oh well, it is what it is, right?

4. The word "actually" in any sentence. "I'm actually really tired". "Actually, he's a really cool dude." "Why don't you actually meet me at my car." "It is "actually" as popular as "like"."

5. The word "empowered". - "She now feels so empowered to start her own company."

I'd like to challenge myself and use them all in one paragraph. Here we go:

This weekend, I'm actually feeling so empowered by the thought of purchasing my own sailboat. I'm actually looking forward to the first the weekend out at sea with the Kennedy's. And you know, even though some of us are painfully wealthy, 9 times out of 10 , your friends will still love you. Money isn't everything and owning a huge wooden sailboat, well, it is what it is. Actually, at the end of the day, you're still the hot chick they knew and loved back at Yale. I love the ocean, actually, I get so empowered by sailing and yachting. Cheerio!

Actually, please stop using those words.

Whereever you are, there you are.
Get out... go on... get out..

2006-08-03T17:37:00.000-10:00

Be ahhhhhh pepper. Remember in the 70s how up lifting and happy all the people were in commericals? They skied, they danced, they smiled! Now people have people with large thumbs to help sell juicy fruit? Have you seen the new Juicy Fruit commercial? A guy standing in front of vending machine points with his huge thumb the size of a pool skimmer? It's disturbing.

I loved this one from the late 70s! Remember this one? Is that old Sage in high school?