Stop caressing my eggplant!

Last night after working a long day at the office at home. I decided I needed some pasta. I cook pasta sauce from scratch and then add tons of healthy veggies in which then becomes something weird...never ever to be made again the same way twice because I never use recipes for italian sauce..

Anyway, I had some good olde 2 Buck Chuck, that's short for Trader Joe's Charles Shaw pinot nior wine, to go in the red sauce but I needed some other items. So I head off to Stop n Shop. No makeup and still wearing my workout clothes. Black workout pants and my Ras na hEireann 2006 5k tshirt. My first race ever. I love the shirt and big emblem on the front (see image to the left). Celtic symbols are foreign where I live. But apparently the check out guy was familiar with it...


So I get the checkout counter and if you're like me and you pick up random things every few days - you end up knowing the cast of characters at the check out. The friendly kids heading off to college, the talkative mother who won't shut up about your food, the crazy lady who talks to herself while checking your items and baggin your food, and then there's the lonely 50something year old male who you avoid. I've heard the younger girls at the store talk about how he has said inappropriate things to them. I've always avoided him. Tonight he was at the 12 or less express line. So I go and he stares at my shirt. And smiles at me. And starts this awkward conversation with me...I wanted to die. Mind you, I had approximately 5 items to check out and that included a gallon of Poland Springs water.

Man: So what's that symbol on your shirt?
Me: It's a celtic symbol
Man: Oh, those crazy irish, have you seen them dance?
Me: sure, the dance is pretty neat.
Man: oh man, Have you seen the photos of them in National Geographic?
(I immediately start to get uncomfortable, is he confusing Irish celts with someone else in national geogrpahic? And the first thing I think of he 'he can't be thinking of naked people can he?')
ME: Really, no not in National Geographic. No.
Man (looking behind him like someone is listening, then leans over the card swipe to me): They are wild people, The girls were all naked and their bodies were painted. It's a crazy ritual.
Me: oh. Well sure the irish can be crazy.
Man: Yes,it's like they are primitive, primal, PAGAN, YES PAGAN! (he was very excited to come up with this word on his own, the exicitement shown in his creepy eyes, I think he was picturing me as one of those girls at this point.)

I needed to somehow get off the subject and get my food and get out. He has my eggplant in his hand now and weighing it. He needs to look up the code for it. More delaying.

ME: It's an italian eggplant
Man: yes, I know, it's the same code as a regular one. I love eggplant. In sauces, and there's no cholesterol.


(I'm thinking, good, I got him talking about the eggplant, not the naked Irish girls in National Geographic, and No I'm not going to tell him that ALL veggies are cholesterol free! I stay quiet.)

I get my receipt and he strangely continues about the eggplant and tells me all the varieties of eggplant. He sure did know a thing of two about eggplant.

"There's chinese eggplant and that's very long and tender. But this variety, the italian has a tough skin, I prefer this one. But it needs to be soaked well" At this point, he's hovering my small eggplant above the bag. It's the last item to bag and he is caressing it. Rubbing it and telling my that it has a tough skin. I mean with both hands caressing the eggplant. I was starting to get embarrassed. It takes a LOT for me to get embarrassed!

I'm thinking "how can I eat this eggplant now?! Hey, stop caressing my eggplant stop!!!"

He finally places the eggplant in the bag and he says "HAve a good night."

ME: Yup, You too.

As I walk away, he yells to me: " And I'll have to give your Celtic pagan rituals a try someday!"

Oh my god! Really?

I went home, cut up the eggplant...boy, it sure did taste yummy in the sauce and the 2 Buck Chuck I think killed any friggin germs that may have been on the eggplant!

EEEEWWWWWWWW!!! I will never go to the creepy guy again!